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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Report: Average American Consuming 4 Ounces Of Cheese Right Now

COLLEGE PARK, MD—According to a report released Monday by researchers at the University of Maryland School of Public Health, the average American is currently eating 4 oz. of cheese or actively preparing that quantity of cheese for insertion into their mouths. “Whether they’re chewing it or slicing it to be consumed in a matter of seconds, the typical American man or woman is, at this moment, ingesting a quarter pound of cheese,” said lead researcher Kenneth Hess, adding that the quantity of cheese being consumed nearly doubles when the cheese is in melted form. “Of course, some Americans are currently consuming zero ounces of cheese, but they’re offset by those working their way through a two-pound block of cheddar as we speak.” Hess added that the report corroborates ongoing research into Americans’ current consumption of gravy, fried batter, and Oreo crumbles.

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