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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Report: Average American Has Just 20% Of What It Takes

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the Pew Research Center, the typical American possesses only 20 percent of what it takes. “Our research indicates that most of us have less than a quarter of what’s required to make it happen,” lead author Phillip McCray told reporters, adding that, on average, each American also had less than 10 percent of the goods. “The findings are surprising and alarming, as recent studies had suggested that U.S. citizens could step up and get it done upwards of 50 percent of the time.” McCray went on to say that if the trend continued for another decade or so, there may be no one left in the U.S. who could bring it at all.

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