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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Report: Average American Loses $5,000 Each Year From Splitting Check

WASHINGTON—According to a recent Pew Research Center analysis of household finances, the average American loses roughly $5,000 in wealth per year from splitting checks. “When taking into account the most common check-splitting scenarios, from dividing up restaurant bills after a dinner, to sharing bar tabs following a night of drinking, we found that most Americans experience a net loss of between $3,500 and $7,000 in a typical year,” lead researcher Steven Brannard said of his team’s findings, which noted that the average American loses $2,000 alone when attempting to pool the correct amount of money from friends to pay and tip pizza delivery drivers. “Every time a person asks, ‘Can someone spot me? I’ll get you back later,’ or puts in a twenty and declares, ‘I think that’s good,’ it costs the rest of the table hundreds of dollars in out-of-pocket expenses. Compounded over an entire year, these losses have a significant negative impact on Americans’ net worth and standard of living.” In contrast to the vast majority of citizens, the study noted that about 5 percent of the population made $95,000 a year from splitting checks.

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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