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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Report: Babe Ruth Was Actually Pointing Out Where Halley's Comet Would Appear 54 Years Later

COOPERSTOWN, NY—A joint study released Friday by Baseball Hall of Fame researchers and NASA scientists concluded that Babe Ruth was not "calling his shot" during Game 3 of the 1932 World Series against the Chicago Cubs, but was in fact pointing out the position in the sky where Halley's comet would appear 54 years later. "When you look carefully at all the video evidence, it makes perfect sense," said Hall of Fame representative Jarrod Malcolm, who also found audio evidence of Cubs bench players taunting Ruth about his lack of astronomy knowledge, and not his size, as was previously believed. "After the first strike of the at bat Ruth raised his right finger in the direction where Halley's comet appeared in 1910, and following the second strike, Ruth yelled to the Cubs dugout, '0.586 AU,' which is the exact measurement of Halley's Comet's perihelion. Ruth then considered the perturbations the comet typically sustains from other planets and pointed to center field, identifying the exact position of the comet's 1986 appearance." Malcolm added that on the next pitch Ruth happened to hit a home run.

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