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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Report: Breathing Can Extend Lifespan By Several Decades

ROCKVILLE, MD—Touting the numerous health benefits of performing the activity on a regular basis, a report released Thursday by the National Institutes of Health found that breathing can extend a person’s lifespan by several decades. “Our research clearly shows that, if started early enough and performed properly, respiration can potentially help a person live for 80 years or more,” said lead author Jacob Hamlin, adding that the data confirmed the enormous long-term benefit of breathing, regardless of gender, ethnicity, or family history. “Steady inhaling, when combined with equal parts exhaling, is incredibly good for your lungs and promotes healthy brain function. Conversely, however, we found that missing even one day of breathing can drastically reduce an otherwise healthy person’s life expectancy.” Hamlin went on to say that breathing is not a magic solution and works best as part of a lifestyle that includes eating food and drinking fluids.

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