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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Report: Calvin Johnson Probably Works Out Fairly Often

DETROIT—Numerous sources confirmed Friday that Detroit Lions wide receiver Calvin Johnson probably works out at the gym fairly regularly, speculating, after they watched the two-time All-Pro run across the football field, that the 26-year-old must do one of those spinning classes or something. “He looks pretty fast and jumps around a lot during games, so he probably goes to the gym at least twice a week,” said Lions fan Drew Jenkins, adding that the 6-foot-5, 235-pound player likely knows how to lift weights. “His legs seem strong. He can probably ride on the exercise bikes for a really long time without getting tired. I bet he owns a bunch of different exercise videos, too. That’s the type of guy who gets a gym membership after New Year’s and actually sticks with it all year.” Eyewitnesses, who spotted Johnson leaving Ford Field in a customized Porsche Panamera after a game last season, guessed he might also have a pretty high-paying job.

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