How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Report: Most Visited Site On The Internet

The homepage of what statistics show is the most popular website on the Internet today.
The homepage of what statistics show is the most popular website on the Internet today.

SAN FRANCISCO—With its massive and fiercely loyal user base,—the official Internet home of the American music group Chicago—remains the most frequently visited website in the world, tech industry experts confirmed Wednesday., which features breaking news, song information, and tour dates for the nine-piece brass-inflected soft rock combo, reportedly draws upwards of 2.5 billion daily pageviews, easily making it the most popular online resource of the modern internet era.

“As far as sheer web traffic is concerned, there’s only one name that matters right now, and that’s,” said Dave Sherfesee, president of web analytics firm Alexa, which estimated that the internet powerhouse charts more unique visitors than second-tier sites Facebook and Google combined. “Every second of every day, tens of thousands of visitors click on one of its pages, whether it’s the band’s blog or its discography, and no other website can match that volume of activity. It’s not even close, frankly.”

“In fact, our data indicates there are currently 1.32 million message board users fervently debating whether ‘Hard To Say I’m Sorry’ or ‘You’re The Inspiration’ is the band’s definitive ballad,” Sherfesee continued. “And that’s just one of 200,000 active comment threads.”

According to reports, operates a 10,000-square-foot warehouse full of high-bandwidth servers maintained by approximately 140 full-time web developers and engineers who work in shifts to ensure uninterrupted access for the website’s legions of users.

Analysts stated that at any given moment, approximately 10 million individuals are reading through the biographies of such beloved band members as Robert Lamm and James Pankow, 8 million visitors are listening or relistening to the website’s one-minute-and-19-second sample of the timeless rocker “25 Or 6 To 4,” and 35 million VIP members are watching an array of exclusive behind-the-scenes videos available only in the site’s $19-per-year “Premium Access” section.

Additionally,’s online store, which offers Chicago-branded T-shirts, mugs, and mousepads, is said to draw more than 4 million customers per day and generate approximately $175 million in daily sales, a revenue stream approached only by online retail stalwart Amazon.

Such impressive numbers can be attributed to the loyal, almost fanatical nature of’s visitors, who explained that the website plays an integral role in their day-to-day lives.

“First thing every morning I visit, check my email, glance at Facebook, and then quickly head back to to see if there have been any updates,” said Philadelphia resident Jessica Carville, 32, who like most Americans maintains a presence within the website’s fan network, known as “Chicago The Band Music Community.” “I would say that between hanging out in the chat room, viewing the latest clips of the guys in the studio, or sending birthday wishes to Peter Cetera, I spend a good two hours on there every day.”

“And of course, whenever I’m away from my computer, I’m constantly checking the official mobile app on my phone,” Carville added.

The site’s broad-based appeal reportedly cuts across age, race, class, and gender to reach every demographic group in the United States, and its advertising rates far outstrip those of would-be competitors like YouTube and Yahoo. However, executives at told reporters the site’s true strength lies in its formidable global reach, with citizens from all 196 countries in the world routinely flocking to the site.

“You have to realize that as users in New York and Washington check one last time before turning in for the night, folks in Bucharest and Tehran are just waking up, so our traffic never slows,” said president and CEO Curtis Hartley, who noted that the website is now available in more than 300 languages and regional dialects. “It’s a challenge to keep up, but we have a responsibility to reach all these people.”

Members of the Grammy Award–winning band have expressed their pleasure at having found such a welcoming home on the internet.

“Yeah, I hear the website’s really taking off,” trumpeter Lee Loughnane said. “That’s great. Chicago’s got the best fans in the whole world, and I’m happy to see that they’re working to keep the music alive.”

“And, hey, make sure to catch us at Proctor’s Theatre in Schenectady next Wednesday,” Loughnane added. “It’s going to be a real good show.”

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