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Politics

Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Report: Country That Might Shut Down Because President Wants Big Wall Somehow Considered Best In The World

WASHINGTON—A new report released Tuesday by the Pew Research Center has found that the country that might completely shut down because the president wants a big wall is somehow considered the best in the world. The study determined that the 241-year-old federal republic, whose entire government may soon cease to function on account of the head of state’s desire for a big, tall, and thick wall stretching all the way from one side of the water to the other side of the water, remains widely viewed as an exemplary nation and the preeminent achievement in democratic governance. The report also revealed that the country continues to be regarded as a paragon of excellence and a refuge for all humanity despite its commander-in-chief risking the loss of billions of dollars in potential revenue and the termination of vital public services because he really, really wants the big concrete wall and wants it now. Researchers confirmed that this nation, which may grind to a halt due to the leader’s demand for a big, giant, cement wall, is absolutely convinced that every other nation should be just like it.

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