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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Report: Crooked Border Guards Planting Illegal Immigrants In Cars

WASHINGTON—A federal probe revealed Friday that at least six U.S. border guards have been caught on tape attempting to boost arrests by planting illegal immigrants in cars entering the United States from Mexico. "In a typical scenario, suspected smugglers are asked to step out of their vehicles, and while one agent interrogates them, another slips an undocumented underneath the front seat," said investigator Douglas Jennings, showing grainy surveillance footage to reporters. "One immigrant we know of has been used as evidence in 12 separate cases." The report comes on the heels of allegations last week that Canadian border guards have been slipping extra medication into Americans' cars simply because the drivers looked like they could really use it.

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