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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Report: Crooked Border Guards Planting Illegal Immigrants In Cars

WASHINGTON—A federal probe revealed Friday that at least six U.S. border guards have been caught on tape attempting to boost arrests by planting illegal immigrants in cars entering the United States from Mexico. "In a typical scenario, suspected smugglers are asked to step out of their vehicles, and while one agent interrogates them, another slips an undocumented underneath the front seat," said investigator Douglas Jennings, showing grainy surveillance footage to reporters. "One immigrant we know of has been used as evidence in 12 separate cases." The report comes on the heels of allegations last week that Canadian border guards have been slipping extra medication into Americans' cars simply because the drivers looked like they could really use it.

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