Report: Crooked Border Guards Planting Illegal Immigrants In Cars

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Vol 46 Issue 41

NFL Considers Building Second Stadium

NEW YORK—NFL spokesman Greg Aiello announced Monday that, after years of deliberation, NFL team owners will vote on the proposed construction of a second football stadium in order to ease current difficulties with scheduling and overcrowding.

Brady Quinn Hasn't Heard That Name In Ages

DENVER—Upon overhearing visitors to the Broncos training facility inquire about third-string quarterback Brady Quinn, a young but grizzled Brady Quinn was seen to lean forward, raise his eyebrows, frown thoughtfully, and cast his eyes upward in appa...

Cyclist Friend Explains Necessity Of $35 Socks

MONESSEN, PA—Recreational cyclist Ethan Coseglia, 38, thoroughly explained the benefits of wearing $35 bike-riding socks to his friend Kevin Washburn Friday, saying that his specially designed socks are essential in optimizing his overall cycling performance.
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Report: Crooked Border Guards Planting Illegal Immigrants In Cars

WASHINGTON—A federal probe revealed Friday that at least six U.S. border guards have been caught on tape attempting to boost arrests by planting illegal immigrants in cars entering the United States from Mexico. "In a typical scenario, suspected smugglers are asked to step out of their vehicles, and while one agent interrogates them, another slips an undocumented underneath the front seat," said investigator Douglas Jennings, showing grainy surveillance footage to reporters. "One immigrant we know of has been used as evidence in 12 separate cases." The report comes on the heels of allegations last week that Canadian border guards have been slipping extra medication into Americans' cars simply because the drivers looked like they could really use it.

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