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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Report: Curt Schilling Has An Opinion On A-Rod

NEW YORK—Former pitcher and current blogger, micro-blogger, commentator, and would-be gadfly Curt Schilling delivered his opinion on the A-Rod steroid situation Monday despite never having been asked to do so. "If his name is revealed, identify all 104 people who failed drug tests in 2003," said Schilling, who has opinions just like anyone else but evidently feels that his must be constantly shared with the world. Schilling reportedly spent the next several hours perusing the Internet to see if anyone had made a comment about him to which he should respond; finding none, Schilling played five hours of video games without a shirt on.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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