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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Report: Dad Proud Of You; He Won't Say It, But It's True

WASHINGTON—According to a new report released Sunday by the Pew Research Center, even though he doesn't always show it and certainly never says it, your father is very proud of you. "He actually talks about you all the time with his coworkers and the friends he plays golf with on Sundays," the report reads in part, stating that while it may seem as if he has little interest in your career, your dad really respects how hard you've worked—regardless of the fact that every time you see him he manages to make a sarcastic little comment about your profession while going out of his way to praise your sister. "You should have seen the smile on his face when he found out you were coming home for Fourth of July weekend." The report concluded that it's just your dad's way, and the sooner you accept it and understand that you will never be able to change him, the happier you'll be.

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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