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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Report: Dad Proud Of You; He Won't Say It, But It's True

WASHINGTON—According to a new report released Sunday by the Pew Research Center, even though he doesn't always show it and certainly never says it, your father is very proud of you. "He actually talks about you all the time with his coworkers and the friends he plays golf with on Sundays," the report reads in part, stating that while it may seem as if he has little interest in your career, your dad really respects how hard you've worked—regardless of the fact that every time you see him he manages to make a sarcastic little comment about your profession while going out of his way to praise your sister. "You should have seen the smile on his face when he found out you were coming home for Fourth of July weekend." The report concluded that it's just your dad's way, and the sooner you accept it and understand that you will never be able to change him, the happier you'll be.

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