Report: David Segui's Awesome Parents Let Him Use Human Growth Hormone

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Vol 42 Issue 25

Death Penalty For Hussein?

Chief prosecutor Jaafar al-Moussawi called for the death penalty for Saddam Hussein for crimes against humanity during attacks on Shiite civilians in...
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Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Report: David Segui's Awesome Parents Let Him Use Human Growth Hormone

BALTIMORE—Former Baltimore Orioles designated hitter David Segui admitted last week that, although he did regularly use human growth hormones throughout his 14-year career, he used them with the full permission of his "fuckin' awesome" parents. "They are really open-minded people, and approached my using HGH the same way they approached my experimentation with alcohol and marijuana when I brought them into the house," Segui said. "As long as I respected my mom and dad enough to take HGH in front of them, they said I could take, within safe limits, as many human growth hormones as I wanted." Segui added that maybe the reason Arizona Diamondbacks relief pitcher Jason Grimsley is in so much trouble for taking HGH is because he lied to his parents instead of coming clean right away.

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