adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Report: Double Stuf Oreos Could Raise Tolerance To Stuf

EAST HANOVER, NJ—A new report released by the Food and Drug Administration Monday suggests that regular consumption of Oreo's Double Stuf cookies could lead to an increased tolerance to stuf. "For 90 percent of Americans, it now takes twice as much stuf to reach the same level of satisfaction once achieved with a single layer of stuf," the report read in part. "Millions of consumers have taken drastic measures to recreate their initial stuf experience, including the manual construction of quadruple-stuf Oreos and chronic stuf-licking. Some have even gone so far as to twist off one side of the cookie, scrape the stuf off with their teeth, and discard the two chocolate wafers." Oreo executives downplayed a portion of the report claiming that children as young as 8 have begun lacing vanilla stuf with peanut butter stuf and mixing it with substances such as pizza.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close