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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Report: Double Stuf Oreos Could Raise Tolerance To Stuf

EAST HANOVER, NJ—A new report released by the Food and Drug Administration Monday suggests that regular consumption of Oreo's Double Stuf cookies could lead to an increased tolerance to stuf. "For 90 percent of Americans, it now takes twice as much stuf to reach the same level of satisfaction once achieved with a single layer of stuf," the report read in part. "Millions of consumers have taken drastic measures to recreate their initial stuf experience, including the manual construction of quadruple-stuf Oreos and chronic stuf-licking. Some have even gone so far as to twist off one side of the cookie, scrape the stuf off with their teeth, and discard the two chocolate wafers." Oreo executives downplayed a portion of the report claiming that children as young as 8 have begun lacing vanilla stuf with peanut butter stuf and mixing it with substances such as pizza.

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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

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