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Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Report: Employers Created 40,000 New Jobs For Existing Employees Last Month

WASHINGTON—In a promising development for the nation’s workforce, a report released Wednesday by the U.S. Department of Labor shows that employers created approximately 40,000 new jobs, additional responsibilities, and miscellaneous tasks for their existing employees last month. “Despite unwavering unemployment figures, I’m proud to report that private sector companies continue to add many, many new jobs to their employees’ workloads,” Labor Secretary Thomas Perez told reporters, saying that managers and supervisors across the country are actively increasing the number of commitments and obligations expected of their staff. “In every industry, companies are drastically increasing the amount of work that needs to be completed, as well as tacking on thousands of assignments previously performed by departed employees. In many cases, we are even finding that employers have brought on several unpaid interns to share in the abundance of job duties.” Perez noted that, as an added benefit, the increase in the amount of work being performed by the nation’s jobholders has enabled these same individuals to accumulate millions of hours of unpaid overtime.

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