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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Report: End Zones Are The 2 Big Trees And The Parking Lot

BEND, OR—Verifying that the size of the field is about right for a five-on-five game, reports out of Hillside Park confirmed Wednesday that the end zones are the two big trees and the edge of the parking lot. According to sources at the scene, the blue sweatshirt behind the trees marks the back of the one end zone, while the dirt patch near all the backpacks on the far side is said to be out of bounds. Early reports also indicated that there’s no tackling near the parking lot because it’s pavement and Adam fucked up his knee over there last time. At press time, several conflicting accounts surfaced suggesting that the two big trees are actually too close together, and someone should reportedly just find two sticks big enough to shove in the ground instead.

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