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Report: ESPN's Around The Horn May Be Fixed

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Report: ESPN's Around The Horn May Be Fixed

NEW YORK—The Sports Talk-Show Gaming Commission announced Monday that Around The Horn, the ESPN program in which competing sports reporters are scored on their analysis, opinions, and snide remarks, is under investigation for a possible point-shaving scandal. "What could have been a haven for spirited debates about sports appears to be nothing more than a front to make certain Las Vegas and Bristol high-rollers richer," said commission chairman Jeremy Schaap, who will further expose the scandal on an upcoming episode of his own ESPN show, Outside The Lines. "Too often, odds-on favorite Jay Mariotti will be in the lead heading into the final minutes, then inexplicably go off on a tangent and be 'muted,' allowing underdog Woody Paige to come from behind and cover the spread. A $100 bet on a guy like Paige can bring in a $5,000 dollar payout in Vegas." Fans of the show say that, if these allegations are true, they will be forced to instead watch Pardon The Interruption, a program where the same exact topics are debated, point-free, at a more convenient time.

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