In a stern warning aimed at critics of Mazdas everywhere, area man Matthew Hunker, a longtime Mazda driver with two Mazdas in his garage at home, said Thursday his loyalty to the car manufacturer was so strong that he would be willing to kill in its name.
NEW YORK—The Sports Talk-Show Gaming Commission announced Monday that Around The Horn, the ESPN program in which competing sports reporters are scored on their analysis, opinions, and snide remarks, is under investigation for a possible point-shaving scandal. "What could have been a haven for spirited debates about sports appears to be nothing more than a front to make certain Las Vegas and Bristol high-rollers richer," said commission chairman Jeremy Schaap, who will further expose the scandal on an upcoming episode of his own ESPN show, Outside The Lines. "Too often, odds-on favorite Jay Mariotti will be in the lead heading into the final minutes, then inexplicably go off on a tangent and be 'muted,' allowing underdog Woody Paige to come from behind and cover the spread. A $100 bet on a guy like Paige can bring in a $5,000 dollar payout in Vegas." Fans of the show say that, if these allegations are true, they will be forced to instead watch Pardon The Interruption, a program where the same exact topics are debated, point-free, at a more convenient time.