Report: Everything You've Ever Wanted Has Been Right In Front Of You All Along

Top Headlines

Recent News

Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Report: Everything You've Ever Wanted Has Been Right In Front Of You All Along

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday, everything you have ever wanted—and, indeed, dreamed of—has been right in front of you all along. “If you would just open your eyes, you would see that the woman of your dreams—the sort of girl who could make you happy in ways no other woman ever could—has been right under your nose for years,” the report read in part, adding that if you took just one second to think about it, you would realize that she’s perfect for you. “The evidence is all there: She’s been crazy about you since the day you met, yet somehow you’ve constantly overlooked her. But most significantly, she won’t be around forever, so you’ll just have to step up now if you finally want to understand the real meaning of love.” The report went on to recommend that you just kiss her already.