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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Report: Fan Chose To Buy Team’s Away Jersey

GREEN BAY, WI—Reports from Lambeau Field confirmed Sunday that a local Green Bay Packers fan, for whatever reason, evidently decided to at some point buy and now wear the team’s away jersey instead of its traditional green-and-gold jersey. “I don’t know why he didn’t just get the home one—he’s the only person at the game not wearing it,” said 29-year-old onlooker Alex Zimmer, noting that the Packers’ white away jersey is practically indistinguishable from every other team’s away jersey, all of which are also white. “It’s not like the away looks that much better or is any cheaper than the regular one. And I think he got it customized with his own name on the back, because that definitely isn’t the name of anyone on the team. Why not just get Aaron Rodgers or Clay Matthews? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this guy?” Baffled sources later added that based on the stitching, the jersey appears to be authentic, meaning the idiot must have reportedly blown at least 300 bucks on that fucking thing.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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