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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Report: Fan Chose To Buy Team’s Away Jersey

GREEN BAY, WI—Reports from Lambeau Field confirmed Sunday that a local Green Bay Packers fan, for whatever reason, evidently decided to at some point buy and now wear the team’s away jersey instead of its traditional green-and-gold jersey. “I don’t know why he didn’t just get the home one—he’s the only person at the game not wearing it,” said 29-year-old onlooker Alex Zimmer, noting that the Packers’ white away jersey is practically indistinguishable from every other team’s away jersey, all of which are also white. “It’s not like the away looks that much better or is any cheaper than the regular one. And I think he got it customized with his own name on the back, because that definitely isn’t the name of anyone on the team. Why not just get Aaron Rodgers or Clay Matthews? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this guy?” Baffled sources later added that based on the stitching, the jersey appears to be authentic, meaning the idiot must have reportedly blown at least 300 bucks on that fucking thing.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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