Report: Fans Enjoy Waving Things Around

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Vol 46 Issue 42

NFL Scores Big Ratings With Rare Live Episode

GREEN BAY, WI—At a press conference Monday, NFL officials touted the success of a special live episode of Sunday Night Football, confirming that more than 19 million viewers had tuned in to watch players on the Vikings and Packers play in rea...

A-Rod Finally Leads Rangers To World Series

ARLINGTON, TX—Ten years after signing a record $252 million contract to play baseball in Texas, third baseman Alex Rodriguez finally delivered for the Rangers by leading the franchise to its first-ever World Series.

Kobe Bryant Just Not Into It This Year

LOS ANGELES—Two-time NBA Finals MVP Kobe Bryant, who claims he typically looks forward to the 82-game professional basketball season, told reporters Friday that he's "just not feeling it" this year.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

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Report: Fans Enjoy Waving Things Around

NEW YORK—A joint report from all professional and amateur sporting leagues unanimously confirmed Thursday that fans enjoy waving random things around, typically above their heads, while attending athletic events. "Shirts, signs, their arms, any color of towel—basically we found that if a fan has the ability to hold something in his or her hand, there's a good chance he'll wave it around," Gina Keller, a representative of Major League Baseball, told reporters. "Our findings indicate that fans believe waving things around when their team is winning builds momentum, and waving things around when their team is losing motivates players to attempt comebacks. In short, fans like waving things." Keller added that a new report, expected to be released this December, should confirm that outcomes of sporting events would be the same if fans cheered loudly during games or just sat in absolute silence.

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