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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Report: Female Interns Earn Only Three-Fourths Of College Credit That Male Counterparts Do

WASHINGTON—According to a study published Wednesday by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, female interns earn just three-quarters of the college credit that male interns receive for the same work. “Despite completing the same photocopying, collating, and other routine internship tasks as their male counterparts, women received an average of 2.25 credits, compared with men’s average of 3.0,” read the report, which found that the credit discrepancy existed across a variety of geographical regions and industries. “There definitely seems to be a credit ceiling for women. We consistently found that even women who fetched coffee, retrieved files, or ordered printer toner better than males in similar positions were nonetheless unable to advance beyond the 75-percent limit.” The study also concluded, however, that the sexual harassment gap between male and female interns had narrowed notably in recent years, with female interns now receiving 95 percent of improper sexual advances, down some 4 percent from previous studies.

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