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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Report: Female Interns Earn Only Three-Fourths Of College Credit That Male Counterparts Do

WASHINGTON—According to a study published Wednesday by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, female interns earn just three-quarters of the college credit that male interns receive for the same work. “Despite completing the same photocopying, collating, and other routine internship tasks as their male counterparts, women received an average of 2.25 credits, compared with men’s average of 3.0,” read the report, which found that the credit discrepancy existed across a variety of geographical regions and industries. “There definitely seems to be a credit ceiling for women. We consistently found that even women who fetched coffee, retrieved files, or ordered printer toner better than males in similar positions were nonetheless unable to advance beyond the 75-percent limit.” The study also concluded, however, that the sexual harassment gap between male and female interns had narrowed notably in recent years, with female interns now receiving 95 percent of improper sexual advances, down some 4 percent from previous studies.

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