After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Report Finds More Americans Putting Off Children Until Companies Are Ready

WASHINGTON—According to a study released Tuesday that examines the changing demographics of first-time parents in America, researchers at the Pew Research Center found that more young adults are delaying having children until the companies that employ them are fully prepared. “Raising a child nowadays requires parents’ employers to sacrifice a tremendous amount of time and resources, which is why more couples than ever are postponing parenthood until they are absolutely sure that their places of work feel completely secure with the decision,” lead researcher Dr. Emmett Bitton said of the study’s findings, which noted that 50 percent of married individuals choose to wait five years or more after getting hired at a company before sitting down with their supervisor and discussing whether it’s the right time to seek maternity leave or whether their workplace can even afford to let them leave for doctors’ appointments. “The truth is that a lot of these companies are overwhelmed by the thought of employees’ children, and many are wary of the financial burden of having workers who have kids, especially when such employees are already working late many nights a week. For them, it just makes sense to postpone their staff members’ pregnancies as long as possible.” The study found, however, that most companies are eventually able to reach an acceptable arrangement for employee reproduction by offering personnel zero money or resources for the duration of their leave.

After Birth

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