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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Report Finds One In Five Americans Struggle With Properly Masking Depression

WASHINGTON—Warning that the problem was even more widespread than previous studies had indicated, a new report published Tuesday in the journal American Psychologist found that one in five Americans struggle with properly masking depression. “According to our research, roughly 20 percent of the population has trouble effectively covering up their feelings of severe despondency and dejection by just acting like everything is fine,” said the report’s lead author, Dr. Lauren McKenny, adding that these individuals showed a marked inability to even pretend that they were excited to be awake and alive. “While most Americans are naturally adept at suppressing their emotions in order to put on a happy face for the rest of the world, we estimate that one-fifth of adults are completely at a loss as to how to lock away their constant sense of sadness and self-loathing so that no one else sees it. In especially severe cases, they may talk openly with friends or family about their depression, even going so far as to acknowledge seeking treatment for it.” McKenny went on to say that she hoped the report’s findings would lead to new medications to help these individuals better suppress their darkest, most painful thoughts while interacting with others.

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