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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Report: Folks, Bette Midler Is Back On Broadway And Not A Minute Too Soon

NEW YORK—According to a report released this week by the Brookings Institution, actress, singer, and comedienne extraordinaire Bette Midler is finally back on The Great White Way in a dynamite new one-woman show and, people, it’s about time, too, because that woman is just a knockout performer, pure and simple. “Our analysis shows that the Divine Miss M has returned to Old Broadway in top form and, frankly, would you expect anything less?” read an excerpt from the report, which is right on the money, folks, because that woman can sing, that woman can act, and that woman has more talent in one little finger than most people have in their whole bodies. “Further analysis shows, conclusively, that happy days are here again, friends: The blonde diva’s back in full force as she channels Hollywood super-agent Sue Mengers in a performance that’s vintage Midler. Do yourself a favor and run, don’t walk, to the Booth Theater.” At press time, only Garland and Merman at their peaks could hold a candle to Midler, and even saying that might be a bit of a stretch.

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