Report: Folks, Bette Midler Is Back On Broadway And Not A Minute Too Soon

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Vol 49 Issue 17

Average Teen Will Spend $1,139 On Prom

Following a brief downturn in recent years due to the flagging economy, the average teen’s spending on prom this year is expected to rise to $1,139, with much of that money supplied by parents to pay for tickets, attire, hairstyling, and transportat...

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Report: Folks, Bette Midler Is Back On Broadway And Not A Minute Too Soon

NEW YORK—According to a report released this week by the Brookings Institution, actress, singer, and comedienne extraordinaire Bette Midler is finally back on The Great White Way in a dynamite new one-woman show and, people, it’s about time, too, because that woman is just a knockout performer, pure and simple. “Our analysis shows that the Divine Miss M has returned to Old Broadway in top form and, frankly, would you expect anything less?” read an excerpt from the report, which is right on the money, folks, because that woman can sing, that woman can act, and that woman has more talent in one little finger than most people have in their whole bodies. “Further analysis shows, conclusively, that happy days are here again, friends: The blonde diva’s back in full force as she channels Hollywood super-agent Sue Mengers in a performance that’s vintage Midler. Do yourself a favor and run, don’t walk, to the Booth Theater.” At press time, only Garland and Merman at their peaks could hold a candle to Midler, and even saying that might be a bit of a stretch.

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