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Web Series Reaches 100 Views

A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Report: For 8th Straight Year, Europeans Remain Weirdest-Looking Players In NBA

ORLANDO, FL—According to a report published this week by the University of Central Florida's Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport, for the eighth straight season, the highest percentage of bizarre and unconventional-looking NBA players continue to be of European descent. "If a team is in need of a solid player with nasty hair, droopy eyes, a patchy beard, and a starkly pale body, Europe is the place to go," said Brian Fisher, the director of the university's study. "Over the years, it has consistently provided some of the weirdest-looking people the league has ever seen: Gheorghe Muresan, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Hedo Turkoglu, and Pau Gasol, just to name a few. Oh, and Dirk Nowitzki. How could we forget that goofy-looking guy?" Though European players occupied 25 of the report's 30 spots, Chris Bosh was named weirdest-looking player in the NBA for the fifth straight year.

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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