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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Report: For 8th Straight Year, Europeans Remain Weirdest-Looking Players In NBA

ORLANDO, FL—According to a report published this week by the University of Central Florida's Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport, for the eighth straight season, the highest percentage of bizarre and unconventional-looking NBA players continue to be of European descent. "If a team is in need of a solid player with nasty hair, droopy eyes, a patchy beard, and a starkly pale body, Europe is the place to go," said Brian Fisher, the director of the university's study. "Over the years, it has consistently provided some of the weirdest-looking people the league has ever seen: Gheorghe Muresan, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Hedo Turkoglu, and Pau Gasol, just to name a few. Oh, and Dirk Nowitzki. How could we forget that goofy-looking guy?" Though European players occupied 25 of the report's 30 spots, Chris Bosh was named weirdest-looking player in the NBA for the fifth straight year.

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