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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Report: Game Of Knockout Awesome

CHICAGO—An impromptu game of knockout at Gross Park Sunday involving 10 people and lasting more than 15 minutes was awesome, sources reported. “We had two balls, so we just started playing knockout, and then the game just got really intense and, I have to say, pretty epic,” said 27-year-old participant Drew Carden, who was still catching his breath as he recalled several moments during the rapid-paced foul-shooting game when the action was so compelling he found himself yelling and cheering. “It was Joe [Gamble], [Doug] Foster, and Dave [Stern] down to the wire, and Dave won with this amazing shot all the way from the far corner of the court. He just heaved it up, and it knocked Joe’s ball out of the air and his own bounced in. We all went nuts. It was amazing.” According to sources, everyone agreed to play another game immediately after, though it lasted just three minutes and kind of sucked.

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