Report: Game Of Knockout Awesome

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Vol 47 Issue 22

Point Of Story Apparently That Man Ate At Restaurant

ELYSBURG, PA—Friends of 33-year-old Dan Leski were subjected Tuesday to a detailed account of his recent visit to a restaurant, the sole point of which was apparently to communicate the fact that Leski had eaten food and then paid for it.

Educated Bigot That Much More Terrifying

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—After arguing with a well-read, articulate racist Wednesday, area man Daniel Truett described the experience as "bone-chilling," telling reporters it was far scarier than any encounter with an ignorant bigot ever could hav...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Report: Game Of Knockout Awesome

CHICAGO—An impromptu game of knockout at Gross Park Sunday involving 10 people and lasting more than 15 minutes was awesome, sources reported. “We had two balls, so we just started playing knockout, and then the game just got really intense and, I have to say, pretty epic,” said 27-year-old participant Drew Carden, who was still catching his breath as he recalled several moments during the rapid-paced foul-shooting game when the action was so compelling he found himself yelling and cheering. “It was Joe [Gamble], [Doug] Foster, and Dave [Stern] down to the wire, and Dave won with this amazing shot all the way from the far corner of the court. He just heaved it up, and it knocked Joe’s ball out of the air and his own bounced in. We all went nuts. It was amazing.” According to sources, everyone agreed to play another game immediately after, though it lasted just three minutes and kind of sucked.

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