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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.
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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right? “It’s up right around Seattle, isn’t it?” read the report in part, which went on to speculate that Gonzaga is the name of a town or possibly a Catholic saint. “It’s in the Pacific Northwest, right? Or, wait, it might be in Oregon, actually. Somewhere around there.” Despite confirming Gonzaga’s approximate location, the report went on to reveal that Weber State could be absolutely anywhere.

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