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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Report: Guy Just Put 10 Bucks In Jukebox

EAST LANSING, MI—Gold Mine Bar & Grill sources report that, just as you got change back from the two pitchers you ordered, some guy walked up to the jukebox and methodically slid in two fives, an amount of money sufficient to play 40 songs. "Well, that's it for me," said one of the regulars, who was just finishing his drink anyway, as the jukebox guy's girlfriend came over to help him pick. "Look at this guy. There aren't even 25 good songs on there." As of press time, the guy had just asked the bartender to mute the TV as Meatloaf's "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" began its first of three eventual plays.

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