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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Report: Guy On Bench Going To Town On Meatball Sub

ARLINGTON, VA—According to witnesses at the scene, a man sitting on a park bench with an empty paper bag lying across his lap is at this moment giving it to a foot-long meatball sub like it's his job. "God, look at him go," said Matt Ponce, an Arlington resident who described the man's passion for the half-eaten sandwich as "awe-inspiring" and "disgusting." "He's practically making love to the thing. Man. Get a room." As of press time, the man was still sitting on the bench, breathing heavily and staring at the empty space between his hands where the meatball sub could once be found.

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