Report: Imagine How Good It Would Feel To Just Crawl Back Into Bed Right Now

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Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.
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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Report: Imagine How Good It Would Feel To Just Crawl Back Into Bed Right Now

WASHINGTON—Citing its seductive warmth and utter remove from the demands and stresses of your daily life, a new study released today from the Pew Research Center has found that, man, wouldn’t it be incredible to just crawl back under the covers of your big, soft bed at this exact moment and just stay there for hours and hours? “Picture yourself cocooned in that fluffy comforter in your quiet, darkened bedroom, far away from everything and everyone surrounding you,” read the report in part, adding that “you need to close your eyes right now, at your desk or wherever you are, and really let yourself go to this place for a moment.” “Just sink into that pillow and let yourself drift off to sleep in total contentment. That’s it. That’s a baby. Shh. Don’t think. Just let your imagination transport you.” The report went on to further indicate how wonderful it would be, in fact, if you could close your eyes, fall into a deep, peaceful slumber, and never wake up again.

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