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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Report: It Going To Take Way More Than An Inconceivable Act Of Violence For Country To Rise Above Politics

WASHINGTON—Sources struggling to make sense of the shooting rampage in Tucson confirmed Wednesday that it would take much more than brutally gunning down a congresswoman, a federal judge, a 9-year-old girl, and 17 others for the nation to rise above its current corrosive state of politics. "This was obviously a horrific tragedy, but nowhere near the unspeakable manifestation of evil it would take for politicians and pundits to act like decent human beings," said analyst Grant Ames, adding that this event would have been ripe for disgusting political opportunism even if 30 or 40 people had been killed. "Perhaps if some senators were kidnapped and buried alive as they screamed for mercy we might be able to rise above politics. But they'd probably have to be decapitated, on live television, for it to make any lasting difference. Then again, it still might not." Ames told reporters he couldn't rule out the possibility that no matter what happens, they will all just continue to act like complete assholes.

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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