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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Report: It Unclear Whether Opposition From Every Sector Of American Society Will Have Any Effect On Healthcare Bill Passing

WASHINGTON—As a growing number of interest groups, politicians, and media outlets continue to voice criticism of the proposed American Health Care Act, a report published Tuesday by the Pew Research Center found it was totally unclear if opposition to the bill from every last sector of American society would have any effect on whether or not it passes. “Although the AHCA has been condemned from persons all along the political spectrum, not to mention literally everyone else with an informed opinion, it’s still uncertain if any of that will have any bearing on whether the bill is signed into law,” read the report in part, adding that there was no way to tell whether widespread resistance to the bill from healthcare providers, Democrats, and both moderate and conservative Republicans would diminish in the slightest its ability to secure a majority of votes in Congress. “So far, the bill has drawn criticism from the AARP, the American Medical Association, the American Cancer Society, Planned Parenthood, Breitbart News, the AFL-CIO, the House Freedom Caucus, the National Council of La Raza, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the Club for Growth, the National Disability Rights Network, MoveOn.org, The New York Times, Tea Party Patriots, the CATO Institute, the Heritage Foundation, and thousands of hospitals—even if you combine all that with the White House’s own decision to cautiously distance itself from the legislation, passage of the AHCA is still somehow very much an open question.” The report went on to conclude that opposition from average voters was certain to have no impact on the bill whatsoever.

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