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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Report: Jack Black's Life More Valuable Than Yours If It Ever Comes Down To It

ITHACA, NY—According to a new study by Cornell University, in any conceivable scenario in which a person would have to choose between saving your life or that of actor-comedian Jack Black, the Shallow Hal star would live and you would die. “In countless hypothetical ‘lifeboat’ scenarios, our research indicates that you are ultimately more expendable, because when it comes down to it, Jack Black’s life is more important to people than your own,” the study’s lead author Dr. Thomas Malden told reporters Monday, adding that if, for example, the world were coming to an end and there were one space left in an underground bunker, the actor who appeared in The Holiday would be on a government “save” list, and you would have to fend for yourself. “Although you are pretty good in your own way, Jack Black has simply made a much stronger case for his continued existence. Sorry.” Malden added that while the choice was far more difficult during the weekend when you helped your friend move and Gulliver’s Travels opened in theaters, Black nonetheless retained his preferred status.

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