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Report: Kanye West, Bill Gates, Tom Hanks All Currently Reading, Enjoying This Article

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Report: Kanye West, Bill Gates, Tom Hanks All Currently Reading, Enjoying This Article

Mila Kunis, Too

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the Pew Research Center, at this very moment, the article you are currently reading is simultaneously being viewed and enjoyed by none other than musician Kanye West, business magnate Bill Gates, acclaimed actor Tom Hanks, and even the lovely Mila Kunis. “In addition to the aforementioned individuals, I would like to add that I am also currently reading and thoroughly enjoying this article, as are many of my most powerful and influential colleagues,” said actress Meryl Streep, 64, who the report indicates is—right now, as your eyes graze these very words—reading this news item on a laptop at her Connecticut estate, much as Kobe Bryant, Jennifer Lawrence, and Dominique Strauss-Kahn are in their respective homes. “To think that so many cultural luminaries are happily consuming this one piece of news content at the exact same time, it’s astonishing. And at the exact same time as you, too, reader. Isn’t that wonderful?” At press time, Barack Obama had just reached this article’s last sentence.

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