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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Report: Kanye West, Bill Gates, Tom Hanks All Currently Reading, Enjoying This Article

Mila Kunis, Too

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the Pew Research Center, at this very moment, the article you are currently reading is simultaneously being viewed and enjoyed by none other than musician Kanye West, business magnate Bill Gates, acclaimed actor Tom Hanks, and even the lovely Mila Kunis. “In addition to the aforementioned individuals, I would like to add that I am also currently reading and thoroughly enjoying this article, as are many of my most powerful and influential colleagues,” said actress Meryl Streep, 64, who the report indicates is—right now, as your eyes graze these very words—reading this news item on a laptop at her Connecticut estate, much as Kobe Bryant, Jennifer Lawrence, and Dominique Strauss-Kahn are in their respective homes. “To think that so many cultural luminaries are happily consuming this one piece of news content at the exact same time, it’s astonishing. And at the exact same time as you, too, reader. Isn’t that wonderful?” At press time, Barack Obama had just reached this article’s last sentence.

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