Report: Kanye West, Bill Gates, Tom Hanks All Currently Reading, Enjoying This Article

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Vol 49 Issue 47

FCC May Allow Cell Phone Calls On Flights

The Federal Communications Commission is considering lifting the ban on cell phone calls on flights when the plane is above 10,000 feet, though calls would still be disallowed during takeoff and landing.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Report: Kanye West, Bill Gates, Tom Hanks All Currently Reading, Enjoying This Article

Mila Kunis, Too

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the Pew Research Center, at this very moment, the article you are currently reading is simultaneously being viewed and enjoyed by none other than musician Kanye West, business magnate Bill Gates, acclaimed actor Tom Hanks, and even the lovely Mila Kunis. “In addition to the aforementioned individuals, I would like to add that I am also currently reading and thoroughly enjoying this article, as are many of my most powerful and influential colleagues,” said actress Meryl Streep, 64, who the report indicates is—right now, as your eyes graze these very words—reading this news item on a laptop at her Connecticut estate, much as Kobe Bryant, Jennifer Lawrence, and Dominique Strauss-Kahn are in their respective homes. “To think that so many cultural luminaries are happily consuming this one piece of news content at the exact same time, it’s astonishing. And at the exact same time as you, too, reader. Isn’t that wonderful?” At press time, Barack Obama had just reached this article’s last sentence.

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