Report: Kevin Durant’s Success Could Lead To More NBA Teams Drafting Tall Players

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Vol 47 Issue 21

Restaurant That Never Has Customers Celebrates Fifth Weird Year

CHICAGO—The Royale restaurant near Rogers Park commemorated its fifth weird year of business Monday the same way it celebrated its opening: with a vague attempt to attract customers by stringing brightly colored plastic flags from the mysterious eatery's storefront to a nearby utility pole.

Al-Qaeda's New Leadership

Following Osama bin Laden's death, the Egyptian-born Saif al-Adel has reportedly been named interim leader of al-Qaeda.

Smallpox Destruction Delayed

The World Health Organization has delayed until 2014 its decision on setting a timetable for the destruction of its storehouse of the smallpox virus.
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Report: Kevin Durant’s Success Could Lead To More NBA Teams Drafting Tall Players

NEW YORK—Several NBA scouts confirmed Monday that Thunder forward Kevin Durant's recent success in both the regular season and playoffs could prompt more teams to draft very tall players. "We've been following Kevin Durant very closely to see how the Thunder's 'tall-player experiment' would work out, and we've come to the conclusion that players 6-foot-8 and above have the potential to be very effective in the NBA," said Minnesota Timberwolves scout Brent Haskins, acknowledging that many basketball skeptics believed Durant’s tallness would be a disadvantage on the court and that his closeness to the rim would impede his ability to score. "This is a whole new model for the league and could play into the draft quite a bit. We are definitely thinking about going with someone tall this time around." Cleveland Cavaliers scout Trent Redden said that based on Glen "Big Baby" Davis' poor performance in the playoffs, fewer NBA teams would probably draft fat, useless fucks.

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