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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Report: Lions To Use No. 1 Pick In NFL Draft On Ryan Leaf

DETROIT—Reports coming out of the Detroit Lions camp indicate that the organization is set to make retired NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf the first pick in the 2009 NFL Draft. According to Lions general manager Martin Mayhew, Leaf, who in his brief four-year career threw 14 touchdowns and 36 interceptions for three NFL teams, is exactly what Detroit needs. "You can build an organization around Ryan Leaf," Mayhew told reporters, adding that Wake Forest linebacker Aaron Curry, Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford, and Baylor offensive tackle Jason Smith lack Leaf's professional experience. "We think the people of Detroit are going to go crazy when Roger Goodell calls Ryan Leaf's name this Saturday." Leaf told reporters he hadn't even been notified by the Lions about their decision, but when asked if he would play for the struggling team, he responded, "Sure, okay."

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