Report: Lions To Use No. 1 Pick In NFL Draft On Ryan Leaf

In This Section

Vol 45 Issue 17

Three Fingered On Class Trip To Washington, D.C.

WASHINGTON—The second fingering reportedly took place Thursday night at the hotel after chaperones failed to notice that Nick Stern had been hiding in Jamie Cavanaugh's bathroom during a 10 p.m. room check.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Report: Lions To Use No. 1 Pick In NFL Draft On Ryan Leaf

DETROIT—Reports coming out of the Detroit Lions camp indicate that the organization is set to make retired NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf the first pick in the 2009 NFL Draft. According to Lions general manager Martin Mayhew, Leaf, who in his brief four-year career threw 14 touchdowns and 36 interceptions for three NFL teams, is exactly what Detroit needs. "You can build an organization around Ryan Leaf," Mayhew told reporters, adding that Wake Forest linebacker Aaron Curry, Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford, and Baylor offensive tackle Jason Smith lack Leaf's professional experience. "We think the people of Detroit are going to go crazy when Roger Goodell calls Ryan Leaf's name this Saturday." Leaf told reporters he hadn't even been notified by the Lions about their decision, but when asked if he would play for the struggling team, he responded, "Sure, okay."

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More