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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Report: Majority Of Baseball Players Swallow Up To Six Baseballs In Their Sleep Per Year

WASHINGTON--A report released Monday by the National Sleep Foundation revealed that most Major League Baseball players swallow as many as six baseballs per year while sleeping. “As baseball players, they tend to be around baseballs more often, so it’s only natural that they come in oral contact with them while sleeping, swallowing more of them than the average person,” said sleep expert and lead author of the report Dr. James Lowman, adding that swallowing a regulation-sized baseball here and there “isn’t going to kill anyone.” “Some players become distressed when they find out about all the baseballs they swallow, but there’s really no cause for concern. It’s not until you start swallowing 20 baseballs a year, or two baseballs at once, that you need to start thinking abut seeking help.” Lowman, who also said that Prince Fielder sought treatment for swallowing several baseball gloves and a batting helmet earlier this year, disclosed that the Brewers first baseman was awake at the time.

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