adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

Report: Majority Of Baseball Players Swallow Up To Six Baseballs In Their Sleep Per Year

WASHINGTON--A report released Monday by the National Sleep Foundation revealed that most Major League Baseball players swallow as many as six baseballs per year while sleeping. “As baseball players, they tend to be around baseballs more often, so it’s only natural that they come in oral contact with them while sleeping, swallowing more of them than the average person,” said sleep expert and lead author of the report Dr. James Lowman, adding that swallowing a regulation-sized baseball here and there “isn’t going to kill anyone.” “Some players become distressed when they find out about all the baseballs they swallow, but there’s really no cause for concern. It’s not until you start swallowing 20 baseballs a year, or two baseballs at once, that you need to start thinking abut seeking help.” Lowman, who also said that Prince Fielder sought treatment for swallowing several baseball gloves and a batting helmet earlier this year, disclosed that the Brewers first baseman was awake at the time.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close