adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Report: Majority Of College Football Fans Way Too Into Favorite Teams

INDIANAPOLIS—According to a yearlong study released Monday by the NCAA, 87 percent of college football fans are "way, way too into" their favorite teams. "The degree to which collegiate football dominates the conversation, correspondence, Internet use, mode of dress, and television habits of its fans, especially during the season, intrudes on nearly every aspect of their daily lives," the report read in part, explaining that many casual football fans found their more-invested counterparts either annoying, brainwashed, or slightly pathetic for being so emotionally invested in the lives of 20-year-old boys. "In almost a quarter of cases, fans interviewed were unable to go three sentences without alluding to college football in some way. Moreover, Auburn sucks; rammer jammer, yellowhammer." NCAA researchers apologized for the lateness of the report, which was conducted last season but suspended in the spring due to unavoidable conflicts with March Madness.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close