adBlockCheck

Report: Majority Of Utah Jazz Players Have Never Heard Of Themselves

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Report: Majority Of Utah Jazz Players Have Never Heard Of Themselves

SALT LAKE CITY—In a USA Today poll of NBA players and fans published Tuesday, four out of five Utah Jazz players admitted to never having heard of their team, their teammates, or themselves. "Wait, who the hell is that guy?" Utah forward Paul Millsap said while looking at a picture of Jazz forward Paul Millsap. "I seem to remember the Jazz playing pretty well for the past few seasons, and they always have a bunch more white guys than other teams, but I don't know any of their names or what they do. Ostertag's not on the team anymore, is he? Though to be honest, it's not like I'd know him if I saw him." During last night's game against the Warriors, the Jazz were charged with their 49th consecutive delay of game penalty when no one got up from the bench after coach Jerry Sloan announced the starting lineup.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close