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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Report: Michael Vick Getting Confident Enough To Do Something Terrible Again

PHILADELPHIA—Eagles quarterback Michael Vick, who on Wednesday added an NFC Player of the Week award to the Player of the Month honors he received in September, has regained his former confidence to the point that he will soon be ready to commit a horrifying act, sources close to Vick said Friday. "Clearly he's playing like the electrifying Michael Vick of five years ago, the quarterback who was selected to three Pro Bowls, handed the Packers their first-ever home playoff loss, and had the bald arrogance to kill underperforming fighting dogs with his bare hands and think he would get away with it," said an Eagles staffer who was "astounded and impressed" that Vick also leads the NFL in passer rating and asked not to be identified for fear of retribution. "Every team in the league, and every member of civilized society, has seen what Vick is capable of when he's playing like this." Regardless of his performance on or off the field this season, Vick will be mentored by Tony Dungy.

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