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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Report: Mom Saw Car That Slid Off Road Into Ditch

ROCKVILLE, MD—Warning that it’s really getting nasty out there right now, local mother Diane Burchill, 56, reported Friday that she saw a car that slid off the road and into a ditch. “I was driving home on Route 28 and passed a minivan that had gone right off the road and down into a ditch,” said Burchill, further confirming that cars were moving slowly near the scene of the accident. “You know it always gets slippery along that stretch. I saw the driver outside waiting for the tow truck. Poor thing. This is why I hate driving in this weather.” Sources confirmed the accident was not too far from where Burchill had seen a very large tree branch that had fallen after a thunderstorm last summer.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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