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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Report: Mom Saw Car That Slid Off Road Into Ditch

ROCKVILLE, MD—Warning that it’s really getting nasty out there right now, local mother Diane Burchill, 56, reported Friday that she saw a car that slid off the road and into a ditch. “I was driving home on Route 28 and passed a minivan that had gone right off the road and down into a ditch,” said Burchill, further confirming that cars were moving slowly near the scene of the accident. “You know it always gets slippery along that stretch. I saw the driver outside waiting for the tow truck. Poor thing. This is why I hate driving in this weather.” Sources confirmed the accident was not too far from where Burchill had seen a very large tree branch that had fallen after a thunderstorm last summer.

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