After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Report: More American Fifth-Graders Taking Gap Year To Unwind Before Middle School

WASHINGTON—A report released Monday by the Pew Research Center revealed that a growing number of American fifth-graders are opting to take a gap year to unwind from the stresses of elementary education and recharge themselves before taking on the rigors of middle school. “We found that it’s increasingly common for kids to put off enrolling in the sixth grade for a year and instead give themselves the freedom to focus all their energy on relaxation and personal growth,” the report read in part, adding that many 11-to-12-year-olds see the break as a time to step back and reflect on what they’ve learned about topics such as the California Gold Rush, decimal place values, and earthquakes, as well as to ponder what they want to get out of their middle school years. “While some fifth-graders still take the classic approach of traveling in the hopes of finding themselves, a significant number prefer to just play out in the yard or visit the zoo a lot. And if the trend continues, it may soon be the norm for kids to spend a year learning a specialized skill, such as getting really good at riding their bike with no hands or seeing how many Twizzlers they can fit in their mouth, rather than reflexively moving up to the next grade.” The report also noted that for many students, the decision was primarily driven by money, as 12 extra months of allowance would provide financial breathing room once they started junior high.

After Birth

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