Report: More Americans Putting Off Retirement Until Final Few Moments Before Death

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Journeyman Fan Joins Sixth NFL Team In 5 Years

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Ice Cream Truck Driver Going To Let These Kids Sweat A Little Bit Before Stopping

MILWAUKEE—Admitting that he’ll never get tired of looking in his rearview mirror and seeing their little legs going at full speed as they struggle to catch up to him, local ice cream truck driver Derek Kenney said that he once again planned on making the children on Maple Avenue sweat it out a little bit before stopping his vehicle.

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

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Report: More Americans Putting Off Retirement Until Final Few Moments Before Death

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, financial concerns are prompting a growing number of Americans to delay retirement until the very last seconds of their lives. “Given economic conditions over the past decade, we have seen more and more middle-class citizens waiting until their final handful of breaths to step down from their careers,” said Bureau spokesperson Dolores Snyder, who told reporters that older Americans are now enjoying retired life for half an hour on average, typically long enough to have a pleasant conversation with a loved one or get started on a crossword puzzle. “Retirement’s different for everyone—some people may finish up working and then live off Social Security benefits for a few moments before passing on, while others might be able to lead active retired lives that last an entire afternoon. After a lifetime of working tirelessly to support themselves and their families, being able to enjoy several dozen seconds of retirement is a much-needed reward for most Americans.” Snyder added that to live comfortably in retirement, an increasing number of retirees are opting to supplement their income during their final few moments on earth with part-time jobs.