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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Report: More Americans Putting Off Retirement Until Final Few Moments Before Death

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, financial concerns are prompting a growing number of Americans to delay retirement until the very last seconds of their lives. “Given economic conditions over the past decade, we have seen more and more middle-class citizens waiting until their final handful of breaths to step down from their careers,” said Bureau spokesperson Dolores Snyder, who told reporters that older Americans are now enjoying retired life for half an hour on average, typically long enough to have a pleasant conversation with a loved one or get started on a crossword puzzle. “Retirement’s different for everyone—some people may finish up working and then live off Social Security benefits for a few moments before passing on, while others might be able to lead active retired lives that last an entire afternoon. After a lifetime of working tirelessly to support themselves and their families, being able to enjoy several dozen seconds of retirement is a much-needed reward for most Americans.” Snyder added that to live comfortably in retirement, an increasing number of retirees are opting to supplement their income during their final few moments on earth with part-time jobs.

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