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After Birth

Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Report: More Children Being Raised With Religion Of Pushier Parent

WASHINGTON—According to a Pew Research Center study of American families published this week, more children in the United States are being raised with the religion of their pushier parent. “Interfaith couples have become increasingly common nationwide in recent decades, and as a result, we’re seeing more and more kids growing up practicing the faith of the parent who’s more aggressive and overbearing,” said researcher James Gammon, citing the rising number of dual-faith households in which children celebrate the holidays, traditions, and rites of passage of the parent who consistently drowns the other one out. “The traditional narrative is that couples with common beliefs would get married and raise kids in their shared religion. But nowadays, many Americans are pairing with someone of a different spiritual background, undermining their partner’s religious beliefs by saying, ‘You stopped going to church’ or, ‘The kids will feel alienated in your faith,’ and making the whole family attend their preferred place of worship.” In addition, Gammon noted that a growing number of families aren’t raising children in any faith at all due to the uncompromising refusal of one parent who thinks all religion is pointless.

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