adBlockCheck

Report: More Colleges Offering Dick-Around Abroad Programs

Top Headlines

Recent News

New Study Finds Solving Every Single Personal Problem Reduces Anxiety

SEATTLE—Explaining that participants left the clinical trial feeling calmer and more positive, a study published Monday by psychologists at the University of Washington has determined that people can significantly reduce their anxiety by solving every single one of their personal problems.

Trump Planning To Throw Lie About Immigrant Crime Rate Out There Early In Debate To Gauge How Much He Can Get Away With

HEMPSTEAD, NY—Saying he would probably introduce the falsehood in his opening statement or perhaps during his response to the night’s first question, Republican nominee Donald Trump reported Monday he was planning to throw out a blatant lie about the level of crime committed by immigrants early in the first presidential debate to gauge how much he’d be allowed to get away with.

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Report: More Colleges Offering Dick-Around Abroad Programs

Students get the opportunity to immerse themselves in sleeping-in and drinking with other Americans.
Students get the opportunity to immerse themselves in sleeping-in and drinking with other Americans.

WASHINGTON—According to a report published this week by the U.S. Department of Education, an increasing number of universities now offer dick-around abroad programs that give students the chance to hang out and do jack shit in another country.

Once only available through a small number of liberal arts colleges, dick-around abroad programs, which seek to immerse students in a foreign environment ideal for screwing off, can now be found in more than half of all American schools.

"Taking time to go fuck around abroad has become essential to a well-rounded education," said New York University dean of student affairs Christina White. "We urge all our students to pick a program that's right for them, whether it's six weeks dicking around in the Spanish countryside, or six months sticking your thumb as far up your ass as you possibly can in Japan or South Korea."

"The chance to spend every night partying in pretty much the same way they would have at home is an experience they'll never forget," White continued.

While the tradition of dicking around abroad can be traced back to a medieval European university system that encouraged putzing off in other cultures, the practice didn't become common in the United States until the 1970s, when an entire generation began pursuing higher education and looking for ways to do fuck-all. Today, educators said, many students won't even apply to a school that doesn't provide programs that allow them to take bong hits in major world cities for academic credit.

"I've dicked around in France and Australia," said Lehigh University senior Christie Oden, a psychology major who spent last spring in the school's popular Holy Shit, Melbourne Is Laid Back program. "I tell everyone I know: Definitely dick around abroad if you get the chance. It's the best thing I did in college."

For students like Oden, who are seeking opportunities to waste enormous amounts of time in a specific field, some schools offer specialized programs for dicking around abroad. Engineering majors at MIT, for example, can spend a semester in a drunken haze at the school's Munich location, while juniors studying art history at Northwestern University may sign up for a year of yanking their puds in the museums of Paris.

But it's not just Americans who are interested in an international education: The Department of Education has also seen a steep rise in the number of foreign students taking buckle-down-and-succeed programs here in the U.S.

According to the report, applications for IIT Bombay's Spend Every Waking Second Making the Most of Your Education Abroad program are up 30 percent since 2009, while in the past decade enrollment in Peking University's Get an American Ph.D., Don't Draw Too Much Attention, and Report Back for Duty program has nearly tripled.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close