After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Report: More Companies Offering Paid Maternity Leave To Mothers Who Complete 3 Months Of Work Ahead Of Time

BOSTON—According to a report released Friday by Harvard Business School, more U.S. companies are offering up to 12 weeks of paid maternity leave to mothers who complete three months of work ahead of time. “We strive to be accommodating to our employees as they start families, which is why we’re granting paid time off to any expectant mothers who go on maternity leave having already completed the following 90 days’ worth of their normal tasks and responsibilities,” said Adam Ewert, CEO of Ewert Daniels Consulting, one of the companies mentioned in the report, adding that any women interested in taking advantage of the policy simply had to notify their manager and arrange for their absence by finishing their regular workload as well as all projects and assignments that would be expected in the ensuing financial quarter. “We want to make sure our female employees don’t have to choose between motherhood and their careers, and provided they finish three extra months of reports, send three extra months of emails, and make three extra months of presentations before they have their babies, this policy lets women take the time they need without setting themselves back at the workplace.” The report also found that a rising number of businesses are now offering flexible scheduling to new mothers interested in working for an effectively meaningless fraction of their previous pay.

After Birth

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