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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Report: More Television Viewers Becoming Desensitized To Drama

LOS ANGELES—Researchers at the USC Center for the Study of Television announced Monday that a new report points toward a drastically impaired response to real-world dramatic incidents among America's habitual television viewers. "We found that a majority of viewers who watch a normal amount of television—between 32 and 56 hours a week—were relatively unmoved by such personal traumas as divorce, financial disaster, or the death of a child, compared with their reactions to similar events on television," said Dr. Fernando Alonso, whose team conducted the study. "Respondents consistently said that predicaments they'd seen play out on House were worse than their loved ones' bouts with emphysema, and that they had experienced greater rejection over unrequited love during Grey's Anatomy than they had in their own lives." Alonso said the study, performed on adults over the age of 21, does not necessarily contradict an earlier report that found children who witnessed drama on TV were more likely to commit drama themselves.

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