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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Report: Most Couples Met On Set Of 'Daredevil'

WASHINGTON—Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s appearance at the Academy Awards Sunday undoubtedly inspired fond memories in the estimated 73 percent of American couples who, according to a new report from the U.S. Census Bureau, also met on the set of the 2003 superhero film Daredevil. “Survey data collected over the past 10 years reveals that, just like Jen and Ben, the overwhelming majority of couples in the United States first met while visiting, working on, or passing through the set of Daredevil,” said Joseph Frey, the statistician who compiled the report, noting that 28 percent of partners got to know each other while doing gaffing or lighting work, 18 percent met while in line for on-set catering, and 15 percent simply visited the set and were introduced by mutual friends. “I myself met my wonderful wife, Kristen, while I was doing some consulting work for 20th Century Fox and she was working as a PA on Daredevil. Whenever people ask when we got together I always say, ‘Well, when did Daredevil come out?’ Of course, statistically speaking, there’s a pretty good chance they already know the answer.” Frey added that the two are happily married with one daughter, who, like most children born in 2009, was conceived on the set of He’s Just Not That Into You.

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