Report: Most NFL Receivers Compensating For Not Having Enough Things Thrown At Them As Children

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Vol 47 Issue 02

The High Reis: Top Playoff Storylines

All the playoff teams are this weekend so I decided to make a post about the top storylines in each game, which are all interesting. As explained to me, the storylines are the things people talk about. But it is more complicated than that. Anyway here are the storylines.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Report: Most NFL Receivers Compensating For Not Having Enough Things Thrown At Them As Children

MADISON, WI—According to a report released this week by the Association for Applied Sport Psychology, more than 86 percent of NFL wideouts became receivers as a way to compensate for the lack of things thrown at them during their childhood. "Because their mothers and fathers weren't there to whip things at their chests, these players must seek validation elsewhere," AASP spokesperson Melinda Panzer said in an interview. "You can see it in the agony on their faces when they yell at their quarterbacks to throw them the ball, or when they smack the ground when they don't catch it. Wide receivers are sick individuals who need help." The report also found that zero percent of NFL wide receivers suffer from a mental illness in which they feel compelled to practice more.

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